


For You, I Would Happily Drown

by MysteriouS24



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-26
Updated: 2015-11-11
Packaged: 2018-04-23 09:56:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 11,047
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4872442
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteriouS24/pseuds/MysteriouS24
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Megan "Pinoe" Rapinoe is madly in love with her best friend of 15 years, but when April plans to move across the country, they each confess their feelings for each other. Fast forward five years and the pair is expecting their first baby, a boy. But when the pregnancy ends in tragedy, they are shattered.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Take What You Need

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea I came up with late at night. Let me know if you like it and I'll write more. Any feedback is appreciated!

The fact that April was moving was a fact that Megan had tried to push to the back of her mind over and over again, but as she sat in April's nearly empty living room, she had no choice but to accept that her friend was actually leaving. She had lived the last few months trying to imagine her life without April and it never made sense to her. They had been friends for over fifteen years, through girlfriends and fights, even following each other to cities each time one of them moved. Which in all honesty was usually Megan. But now, she didn't have the ability to move. And she had to acknowledge that her love for April went far past friendship; Megan was irrevocably in love. 

She wasn't quite sure what she should do. Her options were slim, but she weighed them regardless. She could tell April how she felt but where would that leave them? Either the affection would be returned or not. If it was, that would just make her moving across the country that much worse for the both of them. Surely, if it wasn't mutual, that wouldn't break their friendship but it would likely make it awkward for a while. Or she could not tell her. Not telling her left things exactly the same minus one small detail; Megan wouldn't be able to see her, hug her, talk to her...be around her. 

Being in April's company was probably the reason Megan was able to hold her feelings close to her chest for so long. She hadn't been willing to risk her time with the woman she loved even if it meant celebrating when she met someone new and hurting when it ended in heartbreak. She never thought that she would be the one who got left behind, not really. As terrible as it sounded, she thought she'd meet someone else and fall in love with her, at the same time, falling out of love with April.

It was a classic “damned if you do, damned if you don't situation.” She figured, at this point, she was losing either way. She took a deep breath and stood.

“Hey, April?” She called, her voiced echoed through the nearly empty apartment. 

“Yeah, what's up?” She entered the room and Megan smiled, taking in the sight of her. She was curvy and Megan had always had a thing for her thick thighs and the way her hips curved into her waist. Her auburn hair was pulled back in a messy braid, and her blue t-shirt made her eyes pop. 

“Uhh...Pinoe?” April waved her hand in front of her face, and Megan jerked back into reality. “What's up, you called for me,” 

Her heart pounded into her throat and suddenly she was speechless. Which wasn't something that happened to her much. She blinked and before she could stop herself, she pulled April toward her and kissed her.

* * *  
“I'm sorry, I'm not sure if I heard you right. You did what?” Hope's voice rose in volume at the last word, so much so that Megan had to pull the phone away from her ear. She winced.

“I kissed her. I just pulled her into me and kissed her. Goddamnit, I'm so stupid.” Her head fell into her hand and she exhaled sharply. “Seriously, Hope, what the fuck did I do?” 

Silence met her on the other end. Hope had always been aware of her feelings for April since the first time she had seen them interact. She said Megan had puppy dog eyes.

“Seriously, Pinoe. If she doesn't know, she's blind.” Hope had said before hugging her. “You should tell her. It's only going to hurt in the end if you don't.” That was years ago and Megan was kicking herself now for not following her advice. What could have been if she had followed her advice then? Would they be happy? Broken up? Married? Kids? She groaned.

“Uh...” Hope's voice cracked slightly on the phone. “I don't know. What did she say. What happened after you kissed her?” Megan's stomach flopped. She closed her eyes, trying to bring back the details she had been trying to scrub from her mind. She took a deep breath.

“At first, she seemed really...stiff, almost resistant but then she was kissing me back,” She paused, remembering the way her head swam when their tongues brushed and she tasted her for the first time. She remembered pulling her even closer into her, and the fleeting observation that they fit so well together jumped through her mind. 

“But then she pulled away and stared at me. I tried to talk but she stopped me. She did that one finger in the air thing. You know, 'hold on a minute.' I didn't know what to do so I just left,” she finished, lamely. 

“Oh no. Pinoe...I'm so sorry. That doesn't sound good,” Hope said, her voice was rich with concern and compassion. In the background, Megan heard Kelley say something unintelligible. “KO says she's sorry too. You know though, Pinoe, Kelley and I kinda went through the same thing. She kissed me one night and I didn't know how to respond, either.” Hope's voice sounded optimistic. 

“Yeah, Hope, you pretty much identified as straight plus you were married,” Megan reminded her, her voice thick with misery. “April is probably gayer than I am. Is that even a word? Gayer?” Her attempt at humor fell flat and she sighed again. “I dunno what to do.” 

“Give her time,” KO's voice came through the receiver. “I had to give Hope time to come around. I know it's not easy, but patience is really key here,” her voice was gentle and Megan was surprised to feel tears burn her eyes.

“I didn't tell her for years, because this is what I was afraid of. I don't want to lose her, even if it means being happy when she marries someone else and has a bunch of weird little kids and starts talking about baby wearing and co sleeping and shit. I resigned myself to that years ago and then in one second I ruin it all.” Her voice choked and a singular tear slid down her cheek. She wiped it away angrily. She wasn't afraid or embarrassed about her tears, but she understood that at this moment, it was a useless thing to do. 

“It's going to sound like I'm just trying to make you feel better but hear me out. It'll all be okay.” Kelley said gently. “Get something to eat and try to relax. Let her come to you.” 

As if on cue, there was a knock on Megan's front door. She said goodbye to Hope and Kelley, making her way quickly to the front of the house. Without hesitation, she swung the door open and stood face to face with April.

“Megan, I-,” She cut her off. 

“April, if I don't say this now, I never will. I love you. I'm in love with you. I have been for a long time now and I never told you because I didn't want to lose you. I'm sorry I just kissed you, I shouldn't have done that but I-”

“I know, Megan. I know you love me. But what am I supposed to do? I waited around for you for years to tell me and you didn't until 2 days before I leave for fucking NEW YORK CITY?! I mean, what the fuck. I know I should be all fucking happy that you do but this is bullshit. I mean, what do you even want to happen?” She stopped, her eyes flashing with anger. “What do you want?” She said, her voice was softer. 

Megan looked down at her hands and sighed before she answered. “I want you.” 

April stepped closer to Megan and kissed her deeply. “Then take me.”


	2. What Five Years Brings

The autumn sun shone into the freshly painted room and Megan looked around, her ever present smile was even larger than usual. Five years had passed since the day she had kissed April and run, unsure of what to do next. That day ended with them in a cocoon of afterglow; April had never left. That weekend, she had moved in with Megan and they had been inseparable ever since. Three years after, they sealed their love and commitment in a small ceremony with close friends and family. That day still accented in Megan's mind; it truly was the best day of her life, all cliche aside. 

 

Her eyes wandered around the room, before she settled on her wife, who sat with her eyes closed, her hands rested on her belly, visibly rounded. There was no question to anyone who might pass the pair of them; they were expecting a baby. A baby due in just over two months. 

April's auburn hair had grown longer with her pregnancy, and she wore it down, the soft curls rested just below her shoulder. Megan was left almost breathless most days when she looked at April, but her pregnancy had made her even more beautiful. 

“Your child is kicking the crap out of my ribs right now,” April mumbled and pushed on her belly. “Move, child, or you're grounded.” She winced.

“Damn right he is,” Megan smiled and rose from the floor. “That's my future striker in there. He's got Rapinoe legs on him, bound for greatness!” She closed the distance between April and herself and placed her hands on either side of her stomach.

“Listen up, Rowan. You are my child and I love you, but save those legs for when you're outside of your mom, okay? She's got another eight weeks to cook you, but she's not afraid to evict you early if you're a bad tenant. So, keep the music down, no wild parties.” April laughed and Megan smiled at her. 

“Well did he stop?” She asked. April nodded. “Good kid. If he's anything like me, that won't last though, so lets prepare for his toddlerhood. Kid is going to be a hellion.” Megan kissed her lips gently and helped her to her feet.

The couple examined the room they had worked on together for three months before finally finishing it. Many days were spent discussing cribs and paint color, theme and accessories before they had agreed on the theme: Turtles. The room was a light green, and with the help of many friends, they had made it one of a kind. Ali Krieger had painted a small mural of turtles playing soccer with help from Megan. When she and Ash had come to visit, Ash and Megan had recorded some lullabies, Megan had taken guitar and Ash had sung. Hope and Kelley made a book for him about how his moms had met, including illustrations that Carli had drawn using pictures of them throughout the years. Abby and Sarah had a small kit made and framed, the name “Harper-Rapinoe” printed on the back, number 15, just like his mom. Many other small gifts adorned the nursery, all culminating into the perfect room.

“He's already so spoiled,” April said. Megan smiled and pulled her into an embrace. 

“Yes, he is. Mostly because he has you for a mother, though. Poor kid is stuck with me but he's damn lucky to have you.” They stood quietly, holding each other and imagining what it would be like when their son arrived. Many sleepless nights with a crying baby would be spent in this room, pacing, shushing, singing and even joining in with his crying when the exhaustion hit. She felt him kick, almost like a small promise he made to keep them on their toes. 

'Sure, having a baby will be hard,' Megan thought, burying her head in April's hair, 'It's going to be so worth it.'


	3. Shattered

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a very very strong TRIGGER WARNING. This chapter contains infant loss.

Megan sat in shock, her face stained red with tears. Wasn't it just yesterday that she and April had stood in their son's room, imagining what life would be with him in their arms? Just yesterday that she felt him kick April so hard she had felt it on her own stomach? He was so strong, April was so stunning and exuberant. Her mind flashed back the the way she looked last time Megan had seen her, sleeping thanks to drugs administered through her IV, her skin pale instead of glowing, her face bruised from pushing hard to deliver their son and worst of all, her stomach so much smaller than it had been the day before. It was as if life had been ripped from her. Megan almost laughed, a mirthless, cold laugh. Essentially, life had been ripped from her. Their son, who they loved from the minute they thought of him, had been born still, sleeping before he even had a chance to draw a breath. 

She felt as if she should feel something, but all she felt was a void. Her chest ached so badly it was hard to breathe. She supposed she should get up, move around, but she felt like she weighed a thousand pounds and honestly, she had no desire at all to move. And no reason to. April was asleep and would be for hours. Megan silently thanked the drugs that let her sleep, dreamless and painless. She wished that April would never feel the pain that would inevitably come but she knew that was not possible. They would both feel it. The numbness would go, and life would go on. They would cope, but how? Megan dropped her head into her hands and felt tears come for the first time since their son had been taken out of her arms four hours ago. 

Fight it as she might have, the images returned to her head with a vengeance. The way April had looked at her when the doctors told her what would happen during delivery, and then when the nurses gave her the drugs that caused her body to contract long before it was ready to. The tears she had cried when they got stronger and took her breath away. April's eyes had been filled with pain, both physical and emotional. This is not the way their son was supposed to be born. And hours after the onset of her labor, she was pushing and sobbing between breaths. The worst moment was when his little body was finally free and April fell back onto her bed. Megan was subconsciously waiting to hear him wail, even though she knew it wouldn't happen and when she looked back to April after seeing one tiny foot peek out of the blanket he was wrapped in, her heart shattered more than she could have ever thought. The woman that she had loved for twenty years cried with her entire body. Her sobs were without sound but they still echoed in the room. 

He was cleaned up and brought to them, both of them stared at him, a mix of amazement and devastation. This was their son, but he wasn't there. His hands and feet were perfect, and April had a moment where she smiled before tears streaked down her face harder than ever when she saw that he had tons of red blonde hair on his head. They examined every part of him, all his perfection, puckered lips, they counted his fingers and toes, kissed him and whispered words to him that he would never hear. Nurses took pictures of all of them together as a family, for the first and the last time. Megan vaguely remembered someone getting his hand and foot prints for them. A nurse assisted with his bath and dressing him. Everything was so blurry but so clear. And then he was whisked away and April cried out, the loss of her son echoed in her voice, the very core of her loss radiating from her mouth. Megan held her, not knowing what else to do before the doctor gave her something to help her sleep and she, too, slipped beyond her reach. 

Now she was alone. She couldn't sleep, she didn't think she would ever feel hungry again. Or anything else, for that matter. She let herself cry into her palms; she wasn't sure of what she should do next but for now, crying felt right. 

“Pinoe?” A soft voice said in front her and she jerked up, face to face with Abby. Without thought, she stood and pushed herself into Abby's familiar arms, feeling comfort for the first time in hours.


	4. Memorial

The house bustled with people, which was comforting and annoying at the same time. Megan found herself looking from face to face, deeply grateful for each person's presence but she was unsure how she should show her emotion. Normally, she would be the center of attention, a smile ready on her face, primed to take on the world but today, she was comfortable sitting stoically, fighting the urge to cry. 

Megan knew her face was puffy and pink from the tears she had shed the last three days. Her bloodshot eyes paid tribute to her sleeplessness. She was appreciative to Abby and Sarah for staying with them; they had even made sure to pull the carseat out of their car and clear the bedroom of the bassinet they had set up in the master suite before April was discharged from the hospital. But they knew the boundaries, it seemed. The ultrasound pictures were still on the fridge and they made no attempt to run from the topic of April's pregnancy or Rowan, as a person. Sarah had been amazing, making sure there was food that was easy to grab and sitting with April when Megan was unable to do so. She was sure, regardless, that everyone was emotionally drained. 

Abby had called everyone together for a memorial, taking the responsibility completely from April and Megan, which was a huge relief for both of them. April herself had been all but silent since her hospital discharge. Everyone had taken to asking her yes or no questions so she didn't have to talk. Once in a while, she would speak, but her words were slurred and her eyes were blurry. The doctors had given her Valium to help her sleep, they said, but it wasn't working. Megan could hear her sobbing most of the night. Megan herself had taken to being close to people, physically. Being alone was panic inducing even in thought. She knew eventually, Abby and Sarah would go home but she clung to them, needing them more than she ever thought she could. 

The memorial was a short, two hour event with no kind of pomp and circumstance. They weren't religious, but Abby had thought an acknowledgment of Rowan's short existence would be good for everyone involved. Megan had seen almost everyone from Seattle Reign, even the staff, and most of the players and coaching staff on the national team as well. She had gotten more hugs than she could count and words of comfort whispered in her ear. Not one person had said the wrong thing. She thought she would scream if she heard anyone say 'he's in a better place,' or 'you can always try again.' The worst she had gotten was 'He was just too good for this world,' from Tobin, but she knew that Tobin honestly believed that and wasn't just saying pretty words to make herself feel better.

The house slowly emptied and April had excused herself wordlessly from the event. Megan heard the door to their bedroom close and knew she would probably cry herself to sleep. In the living room, she sat with Hope and Kelley who had left their three little boys at home with a sitter. She was sure they'd have to leave soon; Kelley had just given birth about a month previous and didn't like to be away at all and she knew the twins, who had just hit the boisterous age of three, would be running that babysitter ragged. She could sense Hope sitting on the edge of her seat, unsure of how to excuse herself. Ashlyn and Ali also joined them. Megan was thankful that no one had avoided her. She was sure she wasn't the easiest to be around. She teared up thinking about what all had been sacrificed by her friends so her family could have their love and support.

“Hey, thanks for coming, guys,” She spoke for the first time in almost an hour, and forced herself to make eye contact and smile at everyone individually. 

“Pinoe...” Hope's voice cracked and she bit her lip. Megan could see her struggling not to cry and looked down, tears stinging her own eyes. “I don't even know what to say. If you need anything...I mean anything at all, Kelley and I are here.” She rose and threw her arms around her friend, kissing her short hair. “We have to go, but we'll be back in a few days.” Megan nodded and smiled through her tears as Kelley hugged her goodbye as well. 

Ash rose and sat next to Megan. “Tell me about him,” She said softly, resting her hand on Megan's knee. The words surprised her, no one had asked her to talk about him. No one had wanted to act like he didn't exist but somewhere underneath all her friends' kind words, she knew they were struggling. It was fact that babies were stillborn, or died at young ages but to know that and to experience it so closely were two very different things. She was sure that Kelley and Hope would be holding their boys tightly when they got home. 

Ali joined them both on the couch, and she rested her head on Megan's shoulder. “If you want to, we'd like to hear about him.” She added to Ash's previous statement. Megan felt a tear escape from her eye and let it fall to her cheek before she started.

“He was...tiny. Perfect. But so goddamn small. I knew he was from what the doctors had told us but seeing him was unreal. The way he kicked so hard and rolled around...it's just hard to believe he was that small.” Another tear fell and she wiped it away. “He was almost three pounds. He had so much hair, strawberry blonde. The doctor told us they couldn't find any reason...but that happens more often than not. I don't know if that's better or worse. Knowing something happened wouldn't change the outcome, he's still not here.” Megan heard Ali sniff and moved to pull her into a hug. 

“I'm sorry, Pinoe. I can't imagine the kind of pain you're feeling. Ash and I...well...we've been trying to have a baby for two years now and it's just not happening. I mean. It happened twice but..” Her voice trailed off and Megan hugged her tighter.

“I'm sorry too, Ali. For you and Ash and for April and me. Losing a baby is still losing a baby. You wanted yours just as bad as we wanted ours. The dreams are the same. Thank you for telling me.” Ali nodded and Ash smiled tearfully at the both of them. 

For the first time, Megan felt her tears were actually doing some good. Her pain ebbed in the arms of her friend, also experiencing loss. Her heart ached, though, that Ash and Ali had endured the pain not once but twice, privately. Their children were just as beloved as Rowan had been, but they had been put to rest silently. Only few people knew they had been celebrated and loved. 

She buried her face into Ali's shoulder and let her tears flow freely.


	5. Don't Leave Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Suicide/self harm trigger warning

The guests had gone, only Abby and Sarah remained but promises to return the next day were left by Ali and Ashlyn. Megan excused herself right after their departure before she made her way back to the bedroom she shared with April. She fully expected her wife to be sleeping; resting during the day had become the norm for her and she rose at night, pacing the house. Her restlessness and tears had honestly taken a toll on Megan but she felt no anger or resentment toward her. She only felt helpless and heartbroken. 

She was surprised to find April sitting up in their bed, her eyes were dry but unfocused and she jumped when Megan joined her in bed before smiling slightly. No light touched April's eyes, she noticed. She wondered if she would ever see it again.

She lay down in the bed, motioning for April to put her head on her shoulder. They stayed like that, silent, but for the first time in days, Megan felt their connection. She was relieved, but only mildly so. She knew that the loss of a child was the hardest thing a couple could go through and many didn't pull through. The feelings of guilt that plagued her each day were overwhelming and she was almost sure that April would blame her for the loss of Rowan, as well. 

Megan stroked April's long hair and kissed her forehead. “I'm sorry,” she whispered softly. The past several days, all she could think about was her well intended suggestion that they use her own eggs for their child. Megan knew that she didn't want to experience pregnancy and birth herself but that April had always dreamed of it. April's own body had other ideas, though, and a team of doctors had told both of them that it would take a lot of intervention for her to become pregnant on her own; blocked fallopian tubes coupled with the hell that was poly cystic ovarian syndrome would make it extremely hard, but, they said, everything else looked great and she could carry a child. It was getting there that was the problem. So she suggested it. 

The medications they both took for the entirety of the IVF process wrecked havoc on both of them but the procedure left them with four top grade embryos. The doctor transferred two and less than two weeks later, they got the phone call that the pregnancy had taken and her hormone levels were doing exactly what they should do. 

What was nagging at Megan, though, was the paper they had both signed. The paper that stated IVF babies had higher risks for birth defects, learning disabilities and even the rate of SIDS was higher; that they understood that, accepted the risks and wouldn't file a lawsuit should the pregnancy result in anything less than perfection. There were procedures that April could have gone through to unblock her tubes, medication she could take for her other condition. But their eagerness for a child had clouded their senses, Megan thought, and now they were left with nothing. 

April nuzzled deeper into Megan's shoulder and spoke softly. “I'm sorry my body failed us.” Her voice didn't waver and Megan felt her heart drop into her stomach. The days of silence, of sleeplessness, all the tears and she had never even considered that her wife was blaming herself.

“What? April, what do you mean? This isn't your fault,” she tried to keep her voice low and reassuring, but even she could hear the disbelief in her voice, though she was unsure of whether it was disbelief at her oversight of April's own guilt or that her wife felt any guilt at all, she wasn't sure. April sniffed quietly.

“It is, though. The doctors said they didn't know what happened, that Rowan was perfect but he's still gone. So the only logical explanation is that my body did something to him. Or didn't do what it needed to do. The end result is the same.” She spoke with such soft confidence that for a minute, Megan was speechless. 

“Honey...” She struggled to find words that didn't invalidate her feelings. “Your body did everything it was supposed to do, you even gave birth to him. It's not your fault. Not even a little.” Minutes passed and April didn't respond. Megan decided not to press it right then but in the morning, she would suggest they see a grief counselor. She knew she was lost, herself, in this mess and for a moment, imagined everything from April's perspective and felt her throat constrict. 

Megan closed her eyes and pulled her closer in a subconscious attempt to protect her from any more pain the world might throw at her. The two drifted to sleep in each other's arms but hours later, Megan woke up to an empty bed.

It was almost dark outside. Megan wiped the sleep from her eyes, vaguely wondering where April had gone. She hoped she was out with Abby and Sarah, maybe having something to eat and talking. Just as she had gotten to her feet, she heard water running in the bathroom accompanied with quiet sobs and felt her chest tighten. 

“April?” She called out before she knocked on the door and tried the handle. Locked. She felt her heartbeat speed up; it wasn't like April to close a door, let alone lock it. She was one of those people who would do her business with the door wide open regardless of who might be in her vicinity. She knocked again, more insistently. 

“April! Open the door, please!” Her voice cracked and she felt herself begin to panic when she heard a loud thud from behind the door. 

She heard the bedroom door open, and Abby and Sarah rushed in, concern painting both of their faces. 

“The door is locked, she won't answer me. I don't know where the key is,” Her hands ran through her hair. 

“Move,” Abby said before she rushed the door, ramming her shoulder against the wood. Megan heard the door splinter but it didn't give. Abby slammed her shoulder against it again and it gave. Sarah grabbed Megan and pushed her behind her body before she rushed in behind her wife. 

“Sarah, call 911 and don't let Pinoe in here,” Megan heard her command and felt hysteria coming on. 

“What's happening? Someone tell me what's happening?” Her voice rose and she realized she was sobbing. Sarah was on her cell phone in no time, but to Megan it felt like forever.

“We need an ambulance,” her voice was shaking but she kept it together long enough to get the address out. “It's my friend...she's tried to kill herself.” 

All sense aside, Megan rushed the bathroom to find her wife in Abby's arms. She looked so small, like a sleeping child. She fell to her knees and crawled toward them, her breath hitching in her chest. 

“April, no, please,” She sobbed, her hands caressed her unconscious wife's face and she realized blood stained the tub and dripped to the floor, also staining Abby's clothing in the process. The room spun and Megan blacked out, the last thing she heard was her own screams.


	6. Therapy Gone Wrong

A week had passed since April's failed attempt to take her life. Fortunately for her, thanks to Abby and Sarah's quick thinking, she received medical attention in enough time. The cuts down her arms had bled profusely, but the cuts weren't deep enough to cause her to bleed out. The doctor had told Megan that, thanks to a medication overdose, it was likely she had been too loopy to cut deep enough by the time she had tried. April had been placed in the psychiatric wing of the hospital, unable to go home for an entire week. 

Megan was dismayed to find herself completely dejected at the prospect of April's return home. After the shock of seeing her wife bleeding in Abby's arms had worn off and she knew that April would be okay, her sadness had quickly turned to anger. She had tried to reason with herself, knowing somewhere deep in her mind that April honestly hadn't been in her right mind. Her grief and her pain had clouded any kind of reasoning she otherwise would have been capable of. She couldn't even see that the their son's death hadn't been her fault. 

Regardless, Megan found herself livid. After the second day of pacing the house and all but growling at Abby and Sarah when they tried to talk with her, she sent them home, thanking them for everything. She meant it, too. Without them, she was almost sure she would've lost her son and her wife back to back. No matter her level of complete wrath had been, she didn't want April to die. 

Hope and Kelley had been by with coffee, the two exchanged more than one concerned look behind their teammate's back. They excused themselves less than an hour after their initial arrival. 

“I've seen her pissed before, Hope, but this is not good,” Kelley said as they pulled into their garage. Hope put the minivan in park and grimaced, reaching out to touch Kelley's face.

“I know. All we can do is be there for her. Pinoe is tough, but I think she might be reaching her breaking point. She's gonna need us when she gets there. It's not going to be pretty.” Kelley kissed the palm of Hope's hand that was resting on her face and moved to leave the van.

“You're right. I'll make sure I check in with her at least once a day.” Hope nodded. But when they made their way into their home, they were met with the cacophony that only twin three year olds and a newborn baby could manage to make. 

“MAMA!” Micah, the younger and more sensitive of the twins, had run to Hope, tears and snot running down his face and a perfect imprint of his older brother, Thierry's, teeth on his cheek. Thierry shrieked in the time out chair and the earsplitting wails of their newborn, Levi, added the cherry on top of the chaos sundae that the two had walked into. Kelley and Hope had meant well, but Pinoe and her out of control emotions were quickly forgotten while they tended to their small herd of children.

As the days passed, Megan found herself working hard to get through her feelings but no matter how much she exercised, meditated, wrote in her journal, read or watched TV, she couldn't find even a hint to the light at the end of the tunnel. 

It wasn't until the night previous that she had found something that helped. At first, the vodka had burned like no other going down but after a few deep drinks, she didn't feel it anymore. Her head floated and for the first time in a while, she had felt happy, warm and safe. 

The morning after, though, the sound of the raindrops against the window left Megan's head throbbing. Even before she could open her eyes, she knew something wasn't right. She searched her mind for the reason, still unwilling to open her eyes, knowing it would cause her hangover to go from manageable to overwhelming. But then she put her finger on it and her eyes shot open and she stumbled out of bed.

Sound asleep, on April's side of the bed, was her team mate and longtime friend, Jess Fishlock. Sometime in the night she had kicked the blankets off herself, and Megan's eyes widened as she took in Jess's naked form. Memories flooded back from the night before, how drunk dancing had turned into kisses and somehow, they had stumbled into her bedroom. Her mind flashed to hearing Jess cry out when she bit down on her thigh; even in the dim morning light, she could see bruises blooming on her teammate's pale skin, a testament to her memories. 

“Oh no, no,” Megan grabbed her head and groaned, willing the room to stop tilting under her feet. Her brain felt like a fun house, memories of the fervent, drunk sex they had swirled through her mind. Each drop of rain echoed in her head, amplified a thousand times and she leaned over, gagging.

She managed to stumble to the bathroom before she vomited, the vodka from last night making a not so welcome second appearance. Megan rested her head against her arm, still crumpled in front of the toilet and for the first time in a week, she cried.


	7. The Morning After

Jess had woken to find Megan face first in the toilet, which wasn't exactly what either of them had wanted. It took her several moments herself to remember what happened the night before, but when she did, her eyes widened.

“Oh, shit.” She mumbled, rubbing her eyes and willing herself to ignore the pounding in her head. “Pinoe, fuck, I'm sorry.” She had stumbled to the bathroom and reached for her friend who shrugged her hand off before she even made contact.

“Please. Please just don't touch me right now.” Megan groaned and clenched her jaw, willing her body to order a cease fire. Nothing was left in her stomach but her body insisted it keep trying to push the poison out. 

Jess pulled back, almost as if she was shocked. “I really am sorry.” Her voice wasn't defensive in the slightest. It was filled with remorse and intangible sadness. Megan immediately felt guilty for lashing out at her. 

“I'm sorry. Fuck! I'm sorry about everything. It wasn't you, I started it. I've been feeling alone and crazy and shit and you're familiar. Don't blame yourself, please.” She rested her elbows on her toilet seat, grateful she had a cleaning service at her house just days prior, a gift from her sister. Her head rested against her palms. 

More details of the night before were seeping through the haze of her inebriated memory. As far as she could recall, neither one of them had hesitated, neither one had suggested they stop. In fact, Megan remembered being more turned on, more aggressive and more vocal than she had been in years. She wanted Jess. Not just sex, not just the familiar connection with another human, not even to come. She had wanted Jess, specifically. It was true, over the years, sexual tension had formed between the two of them. Emotions ran high out on the pitch; she had said herself for years that soccer and sex were basically the same. Jess and herself played very well together. Now she knew they did so on the pitch and in bed. 

Her stomach had begun to ache for a completely different reason. April. The doctors had said they could discuss her going home starting today. 

'And here I am, puking, naked, sore from fucking my friend and team mate. Could this get much worse?' As soon as that thought pranced through her head, she heard her name echo through her home. 

“Pinoe? Yo, where are you?” Abby's familiar voice moved closer. “I used the key you gave me, you're not answering your phone...”

“Ah, fuck me.” Jess mumbled, running her hand through her already tousled bleach blonde hair. “This is perfect.” 

Megan rose to her feet, shakily. “Abs, I'm in my bathroom, hold on...” She swallowed another wave of nausea and rushed to her room, throwing Jess's clothes at her as she found them. She had never seen her dress quicker, and was surprised that through her hungover, guilt ridden state of mind, she was mildly disappointed to see her covering herself. 

The movement must have been too much for Jess, even with her ability to hold her booze, she leaned over and vomited. Megan rushed even more in her endeavor to find all their clothes, Jess only in a t shirt; she was still completely nude herself. 

The effort was vain, though. Abby pushed the door open. Her short walk through Megan's house had been progressively more disturbing with each step. Half empty bottles of liquor, dirty dishes. Probably the most alarming had been a cell phone that wasn't her team mate's, that much she knew. When she heard the vomiting, she had made her way into Megan's room, throwing caution to the wind. She knew she wouldn't like what she found, but nothing could prepare her for the sight in front of her.

Megan stood frozen, clothes clenched in her hands and a petite blonde woman was puking in the bathroom behind her. Abby blinked a couple times before she could believe it was, in fact, Fishlock in the bathroom. 

“What the FUCK,” Her voice rose to shouting and Megan flinched, covering her ears. Jess stopped vomiting and met Abby's eyes, wiping puke from her chin. “You two have got to be kidding me.”

Megan plopped on her bed, tears streaming freely down her face again. Jess started to dress again, once she pulled her pants on, she sat on the bed next to Megan. In a different situation, Abby might have laughed at how much like scolded children they looked like. Both with downcast eyes, the guilt in the room was so apparent. 

She made her way further into the room, wrinkling her nose as she did so. The smell of puke, alcohol, sex, and sweat invaded her brain. 

“Go flush the fucking toilet, Fishlock.” She barked. The fire in Abby's eyes warned Jess not to argue. “Pinoe, stop crying. You're not a baby. Not a baby but a goddamn idiot. What the fuck were you thinking?” 

Megan looked up, her shoulders slumped and her face red from tears and booze combined. She sniffled, her breath hitched in her chest, all in an attempt to gain control of herself.

“I have no fucking idea.” She finally responded. “I don't know how it happened. I was drinking and feeling crazy and next thing I know I woke up to the worst hangover ever and this shit happened.” She gestured to Jess, who had flushed the toilet and was peering around the room, presumably looking for a sock, as she had one on but the other foot was bare. 

Abby's jaw clenched. She was afraid something like this would happen, but she never imagined she would manage to do it with a friend. She fully expected a stranger, even a man. But not this. She groaned and chuckled, completely exasperated, speechless. She waved her hands in the air and stuttered for a few seconds before she was able to form a coherent sentence. 

“Get in the shower. Get dressed. Sarah is picking April up from the hospital, that's why I was trying to call you. Fishlock, find your fucking sock and get out of here.” Abby all but grabbed Megan and threw her in the shower and pushed Jess out the door.

“Don't call, don't text, I'll have Pinoe get ahold of you later today after everything is settled. All three of us need to talk about this.” Jess nodded and bit her lip.

“Abby, I'm so sorry about all of this. I never meant for this to happen. You know I love Pinoe. You know I love April, please...” Her voice faltered and Abby felt her anger begin to dissipate. 

“I know, Jess. I'm sorry I yelled so much but this is totally fucked. Get out of here. I'll talk to you later.” Without waiting for a response, she shut the front door and went to work, stripping her teammate's bed, cleaning up the dirty dishes and bottles of booze. She heard the shower shut off and threw some clothes in the bathroom before she made the bed with clean, crisp sheets. 

Megan walked in, toweling her hair dry just as she was finishing the bed. 

“Thank you,” She said. Abby was pleased to note her color looked better, but her eyes were still blood shot and likely would be the rest of the day. 

“Well, I couldn't leave the bed smelling like booze and come.” She tried to smile, but honestly, she found no humor in the situation. Megan swallowed hard, her eyes filling with tears again and Abby instantly felt remorseful. 

“Oh Pinoe, I was trying to make a joke...” She wrapped her friend in a tight embrace. “It'll be okay. I told Jess not to text or call. I'll have you call her later, so we can all talk.” Megan nodded, her arms squeezed so tightly around Abby, she thought she might break a rib.

“Just don't say anything to April, I don't think she can handle it. The worst thing that could happen is that she find out about this right now.” Megan opened her mouth to respond but before she could, she heard her wife's voice behind Abby, small and fragile.

“Find out about what?”


	8. The Eye of The Storm

Abby jumped like a gunshot went off behind her and spun around. It was her turn to cast her eyes to the floor but Megan intercepted the interaction with speed. The ability to think on her feet made her the exceptional athlete she was but, both fortunately and unfortunately, made her a fantastic liar. 

“Ashlyn and Ali are trying to have kids,” she said, moving closer to her wife. It wasn't a lie, not necessarily. 

'A lot better than saying, hey, I fucked Fishlock last night.' Megan reasoned with herself, but the level of guilt inside her just kept growing. April nodded, her eyes searched Megan's. 

Abby dismissed herself tactfully, but April and Megan wouldn't have noticed even if she stayed. They approached each other cautiously, almost as if the other would pull a switchblade and demand the others wallet. 

Megan found herself noting everything about her wife, who felt like a stranger but so familiar. More than anything, she wanted to wrap April in her arms and let everything spill out of her, all the truth; the anger, the grief, the guilt, the sex. She felt her emotional dam was at capacity and it mutilated her heart to know that she couldn't tell the person she loved the most in the world that she had done something that would shatter her already broken world. 

April's face was pale. She still looked like she was barely holding on, but her eyes were brighter than Megan remembered. Of course, it had been a week and the last time she had seen her, she was bloody and unconscious. She reached her hand out and caressed April's cheek softly. April rested her head against her hand and closed her eyes, a single, silent tear ran down her face and Megan wiped it away. 

“I'm sorry,” April whispered and a small sob escaped her mouth. Megan pulled April to her and held her, nuzzling into her neck. Her throat burned with the effort it took her not to cry as her wife wept in her arms. Their embrace seemed endless; Megan found herself hoping that the moment didn't ever have to end. That the inevitable would never come to pass. It was perfect in it's cohesiveness. Megan felt no anger, no resentment, not even guilt. At that moment, with her wife in her arms, the scent and feel of her so natural and exquisite in its sheer normalcy, she felt a staggering sense of tranquility.

She kissed her, then. It was tearful but unparalleled. She felt whole again, even if it was fleeting. April was a part of her just as much as her lungs or her childhood. 

“I love you,” She whispered, and squeezed April tighter. 

Megan sent a silent plea to the universe that she would find the strength to tell April the truth and that her wife would be able to forgive her for her indiscretion.

Both weary from the poignant reconciliation, they made their way to bed. Both curled on their sides, April felt smaller than normal in Megan's arms and it dawned on her right before she drifted to sleep that she had grown accustomed to her wife's pregnant form. 

Megan woke hours later in her bed, alone and felt immediate panic. She shot upright, her head protesting, reminding her that she was still hungover but April stood next to the bed. Her face was blank.

“April, honey, what's wrong?” Megan asked, reaching for her but her wife moved away. 

“Who did you have sex with?” She asked, her voice more even than she could have thought possible. She motioned to Megan's midsection, where her shirt had ridden up while she slept.

A clear stamp of Jess's teeth discolored her skin right next to her hip.


	9. Carpe Diem

Despite her best efforts, Jess couldn't help checking her phone every thirty seconds, even though the volume was on full. She was convinced that she would miss a text or a call, but her phone remained painfully silent. 

Jess hadn't been able to stop pacing, her mind bouncing to all the things she was going to lose because of her poor decisions. It was not that she had never had a drunken night with a team mate before, hell, she'd had plenty of sober nights with people she shouldn't have been with for various reasons but this was the worst case scenario. She could lose a great friend and many other friendships she had built over the years, including April, who she cared about deeply. 

But each time her brain drifted to Megan, she had to fight back tears. With everything she had been through the last few weeks, it had been expected that she would do some things that were out of character for her. The loss of her very loved, wanted child, followed by April's attempted suicide. And really, who knew what else she was going through? Abby had been in contact with Hope and Kelley who, in turn, passed the info carefully on to the others. The message had been clear: look out for Pinoe, help her, be there for her without her having to ask. Jess was quite sure that “have sex with Pinoe” was not on the to-do list. 

Her phone rang, jarring her from her thoughts rudely. Grabbing her phone unceremoniously, she read the ID and saw it was Hope. Her heart sunk, her hopes that it was Megan completely dashed. 

“Hey Hope,” She answered. Her voice betrayed her mood, morose, anxious and disappointed.

“What. The fuck. Happened.” Hope hissed into the phone. Her voice was low and threatening, something that Jess had experienced many times before but this time, she felt no desire to even try and fight back. 

“Did Abby open her trap already?!” Jess checked the clock in the living room, noting it had only been six hours since she left Megan's, even though it felt like it had been days. She had figured that she would at least get to talk to Megan again before everyone in the world found out what they had done.

“Abby? What about Abby? No! April called Kelley and asked her to pick her up. She just now calmed down enough to tell us that Pinoe said that you two had sex.” 

Jess sighed and hung her head. “Fuck,” she mumbled. She heard Hope inhale sharply on the other end.

“You better thank God that I'm holding a sleeping two month old right now or you would have hearing loss. Jess, what the hell?! How could you do this to Pinoe and April?” Worse than anger, Jess heard disappointment in Hope's voice. But she also bristled at the insinuation that she had somehow taken advantage of Megan, that she was the victim of Jess.

“Well it's not like I planned it, Hope. We were both drinking. Both of us weren't thinking things through, don't put this all on me.” She paused, considering what she wanted to say next, and if she actually wanted to say it. 

“She wanted me. I didn't use this situation to fuck one of my best friends. How fucked up do you think I am?” She ended the call, unwilling to listen to Hope's response. 

It was true that over the years she had built a reputation as somewhat of a romancer, but the idea that she would willingly hurt Megan and April that deeply, especially after the loss of their son, was beyond insulting. Her guilt had been replaced by seething, hot indignation. 

How had April even found out? Jess was under the impression that Megan, Abby and herself would all talk it over before telling the emotionally fragile April the brutal details. April was probably in bad shape if she had not only left her home but went to Kelley and Hope's, where three small children resided. 

Before she could talk herself out of it, she grabbed her phone and sent Megan a quick text. 

“Just how bad did we fuck up?” She bit her lip and almost immediately got a response.

“It's bad, Jess.” 

“Can we talk?” Five minutes passed with no response, but right when she was about to call, there was a knock on her door. 

Megan stood on the other side, looking slightly disheveled. She stepped in without an invitation and shut Jess's door. 

“We should talk,” Jess said, unsure of whether or not she should even touch Megan. There had never been awkwardness like this before, between the two of them, and she hated it.

“I don't want to talk,” Megan whispered and she advanced toward Jess slowly. Jess's feet felt rooted in place. The look in her teammate's eyes was intense, the same look she remembered from the night before; heat and desire but underneath all of it, An excited dread tickled her stomach. The feeling she always got before she did something she shouldn't do.

“What do you want?” Jess's throat felt dry. Megan's eyes flashed.

“If I'm going to pay the price for this,” she pushed Jess against the wall. “I want to remember everything.”


	10. "I Want You"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're nearing the end of this story now, hang in there for at least one more chapter!

Jess melted under Megan's hands, her body reacted without any thought. Their kisses were intense, deep, and demanding in their need. If Megan had been capable of coherent thought, she would have impressed with how well they knew the other's body; it was as if they had been lovers for years. 

It wasn't until Megan unbuttoned her friend's jeans and slid her hand under the waistband deftly that Jess was able to regain her footing.

“Wait, Pinoe, no,” She pushed gently against Megan's shoulder, her voice breathless but firm. Their eyes met again, and Jess shook her head.

“We can't do this. This isn't right. You and April belong together.” She added gently. Megan shook her head.

“I can't be alone right now. I need this, please..” Her voice choked. “It hurts so bad, Jess.” Her shoulders slumped and Jess wrapped her arms around her protectively. Megan's small frame shook with silent sobs, her own arms curled between their bodies.

“I know it hurts, but I'm not the answer. I'm a band aid. A great band aid, I might add, but not one that you need, Pinoe.” Megan chuckled through her sniffles at Jess's humor. It was the mark of a great friend, to possess the ability to make another laugh when their heart was breaking.

“You need your wife, and she needs you.” Jess whispered and kissed the top of Megan's head. 

“But it's over, Jess.” Megan's voice reflected the staggering amount of loss she had been through in a very short period of time. 

“What is this, Pinoe? Aren't you the person who loved her so much that she stayed here just to be with you when her career was about to take off? Aren't you the one who loved her in silence for years because all you wanted was her to be happy? You're a stubborn little cunt, don't give up now. You'll never forgive yourself if you do. And you'd never forgive me if I had sex with you right now, you know it.” 

Megan knew she was right about everything. Sex was a great distraction but it was temporary; at the end of the day she would still be alone, but the worst kind of alone. The kind that fractured the entire world because of the simple fact that the woman she loved was so near but completely untouchable. 

* * *

It had been a week since Megan had talked to April. She wouldn't answer texts or calls. Her voicemail was full. Hope had told her that April was doing just fine, but that she needed her space. 

“Let her come to you, she's read your texts and listened to your voicemails but she's really hurting, Pinoe. It'll be hard but, let her come to you.” Hope told her gently. 

So she did. Hours turned into days and before she knew it, it had been a week. It seemed to Megan that every beat of her heart reminded her that she had lost her wife, and she was powerless to get her back. 

Weeks turned into months. April's due date passed and Megan found herself in the nursery, hugging a teddy bear close to her chest. The entire house was so empty and it seemed to echo with her pacing footsteps. Utterly alone, she thought about how different her life should be. She imagined holding their son instead of a teddy bear. Pacing the floors because he was fussy, not because she had lost him. Helping April fit into her new role as a mother, and vice versa. 

About five months after she had left Jess's place, an invitation came in the mail from Ali and Ashlyn to attend their baby shower. Despite her own pain, she smiled, truly happy for her friends. She had been uncharacteristically introverted, understandably so, but Hope and Kelley insisted she go, even if it was only for an hour or two. 

Honestly, it didn't take much to convince Megan to go. She missed being around people she loved and experiencing their happiness with them. Sure, a baby shower wasn't her idea of a great night out, but Ali and Ashlyn knew how to throw a party, pregnant or not.

She found herself sitting next to visibly pregnant Ashlyn, feeding her baby food out of a diaper. It had been a long time since she had laughed as much as she had that day, and it didn't go unnoticed by any of her friends. 

“What's the point of this terrible game, anyway?” Megan laughed, poking a small amount of what looked like pureed roadkill into Ashlyn's mouth. 

“Ugh that's terrible! I'm gonna say that's prunes,” Ashlyn laughed. “The point is to figure out what kind of food it is.” Megan raised an eyebrow.

“This is food? Why is it in a diaper?” 

“You'll have to ask Ali, she helped plan the games.” Ash looked around the room until her eyes locked on her wife and she smiled, her eyes reflecting her absolute joy. 

“How is she doing with the pregnancy?” Megan motioned to Ashlyn's stomach. Ashlyn rubbed her stomach sweetly. 

“She's been awesome. I know she's a little depressed that she couldn't carry her but we're both just happy she's on her way. We waited a long time for her. When I brought up to her that maybe I could carry, I thought she would get upset but she cried and said it was the sweetest thing I'd ever offered to do. It took the first time, and here we are. How are you?” She added at the end, leaning closer to her friend. Megan sighed and stirred the prunes in the diaper.

“I'm not so good. I miss April, but she won't talk to me. I understand why but...it doesn't make it easy. She was my best friend, and I love her so much. I don't know what to do.” Ashlyn put her arm around Megan's shoulder.

“Why don't you go talk to her? She's been shooting glances at you all day. If she can't keep her eyes off you, that's probably a good thing. That's how Ali knew I was interested. I don't have any chill.” She laughed and continued. “You've gotta get closure, at least. You guys are married, you'll have to talk eventually. Why not now?” 

Megan nodded and searched the room for April, finding her almost instantly. Their eyes locked across the room. “Hold this,” Megan shoved the diaper in Ashlyn's hands and walked toward April, her heart pounding in her head. 

“April, I...” She started but her voice caught in her throat. April sighed, and glanced around the room quickly.

“What do you want, Megan?” Her voice was soft, and Megan's mind rushed back to the last time April asked her that question with that same tone. After she had confessed her love only to run away, terrified. 

“I want you,” she answered back simply. She prayed silently that April would answer that the way she did last time.

April's lips turned into a weak smile. “Then take me,” She answered simply.


	11. I Would Happily Drown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We've reached the end of Megan and April's story! Thanks for reading!

It hadn't been easy. Not in the slightest. Many harsh words had been said, countless tears had been shed and they both drove the other to the edge more than once but they worked through all the obstacles that had been thrown their way. The loss of their son had rocked the foundation of their individual beliefs that the world was a beautiful, just place. They had both had their own tragedies beforehand but, unbeknownst to them, they held onto the infantile notion that everything happened for a reason, as the age old cliché said. 

April's physical wounds healed long before her internal wounds had even stopped bleeding. Each wrist and forearm bore witness to her pain, and each day she drew strength from the knowledge that she had made it through the storm; not in once piece, but in many fractured pieces that made her into a brand new work of art. 

Megan's infidelity forced her to address her own emotional needs and her tendency to self destruct when she saw no way out of hardship. She had avoided her own feelings regarding her son's passing and her wife's attempted suicide and in the end, almost lost everything she wanted. She threw herself into fixing her marriage, and herself, gaining ground each day. Things that she had taken for granted, like kissing goodnight, had vanished because of her own actions. Slowly, almost so much so that she didn't even notice, their lives had returned to a new state of normal. 

Each of them came out wholly different people in the end, but the differences were positive and complimentary. So, almost three years after the stillbirth of Rowan, they found themselves welcoming not one, not two, but three children into their home, forever.

Becoming foster parents had been a difficult decision for both of them, understanding that they would be giving love to children who weren't theirs and they likely wouldn't be able to keep. But it felt right. Shortly after they were licensed, they received a sibling group. Three terrified little children of four, two and two months were thrust into their lives and nothing would ever be the same.

The stress of the adoption tested their strength as a couple, but instead of pulling away, they had come together. Megan was continually impressed with April's grace under pressure throughout the homestudies and court dates. After an eighteen month process, the previously terrified children were officially the happy, secure Harper-Rapinoe children. Tess, Andre and Kristin, to be specific.

The adoption party had been the most anticipated party of the season, from what Megan could tell. When they walked into their home, tears came to Megan's eyes. So many people had turned up to celebrate, she was surprised it didn't violate fire codes. Their home was filled to the rafters with love, laughter and acceptance. 

Her children ran to play with Ali and Ashlyn's little girl, Hannah, who was lining Hope and Kelley's boys up for make-overs. Ali supervised nearby, forever in awe of her little girl's tenacity. She had the confidence and grace of both of her mothers. But she was Ashlyn through and through. Since she had been born, the running joke was that she would take Ash's place as goalkeeper in both the NWSL and on the USWNT; she had an eye for detail and the mind of someone far beyond her age. 

“Hannah, you've gotta get your mom's hat for Micah,” Tess insisted. Hannah grinned and ran to Ashlyn, snatching her hat and kissing her cheek before darting off to play with her friends again.

“It's perfect, Tess. You can be my assistant!” The little girl squealed and the room erupted in laughter.

Megan never searched for company that day; everyone had gravitated toward her and April. Their joy was infectious and undeniable. Jess made her way to them and pulled them both close. 

“You two are so gross. I love it,” She laughed and kissed their cheeks. “Congratulations,” Jess added, and Megan noted her teammate's eyes shimmered with tears. 

Abby and Sarah looked at Megan and April like proud parents. The four had grown even closer over the last several years, and the Wambach's had moved just down the street. The kids loved that their godparents were so close. Especially Tess, who was in love with their one year old son, Adam. 

The party came to an end little by little, people drifted out as their kids got tired or the sun set. Megan felt her body start to drag with exhaustion; it had been a perfect day, one she would never forget. She heard her bed calling for her, though, and she looked forward to holding her wife close that night.

After the kids had been tucked snugly in bed, Megan found herself in her wife's arms. They held each other, wordlessly enjoying the warmth between their touch, the way they smelled, reveling in the other's closeness. 

“I'm so glad you didn't give up on me, I was barely treading water.” Megan whispered. She felt no need to reference the events, they both knew what she meant. April chuckled softly. 

“We were both struggling,” April acknowledged, always one to try and be fair. 

“I could have pulled you under, with everything I did.” Megan's voice betrayed her sadness. All these years later, she still carried guilt. April kissed her forehead and smiled. 

“For you, I would happily drown, love. Don't forget that.” 

They kissed then, untroubled and untouchable as their children slept safely and soundly in their rooms. Assured and bonded, neither would ever let the other drown.


End file.
